Soulmate

    Disney movies, those damn Disney movies. I'm pretty sure they gave all of us little girls not so realistic expectations of men, we all know this feeling all too well! I remember telling my grandma that I couldn't wait to grow up, have my own house, and family. What the hell? What ten year old says that?! If little Adrienne knew then what she knows now, I bet she would have waited a lot longer to say that!

     Don't get me wrong I love having my own house and family, but damn, where the hell are the instructions? How come Disney didn't teach me how to love someone when the thought of them breathing is just too much to bare? That would have really helped out.... a lot. Relationships are hard. Sometimes I wonder why the hell we even want to be in them. You can't stand their face yet you want to have a baby, and throw out a fifty fifty chance that your child will end up with their face. Well that makes a lot of sense! It actually does. You love that person, or you wouldn't want to make a mini version of them. This is where people would usually throw in the term "soulmate".

     Some of you may believe in them and thats fine, but me....well. I think it's a crock of you know what. Shit. Do I think that this one person was put on the earth just for me to find? With the population of seven billion? Hell no, thats just freaking crazy. I believe in compatibility. I believe that Jason Statham and I would be highly compatible, unfortunately he told me that the long distance just was not going to work. Sadly I had to move on. If Cody and I were truly meant to be soulmates, I'd say they did a pretty bad job with us. Could you imagine us as one body? Jesus, we'd kill each other. We would end up cutting ourselves in half, before the Gods even had a chance! I'm surprised we haven't already killed each other! We are together because we choose to be. Not because it was written in the stars. Life is not a Nicholas Sparks book, no matter how bad we want it to be.

     People fight over so many things. I'm sure I could probably fight with Cody about everything! He could tell me the sky is blue, and I would fight him that it was green, until I turned blue! That has nothing to do with him. I has everything to do with me. I'm stubborn and I don't like to be wrong. I have my own inner demons to fight and poor Cody gets the wrath sometimes. He also has demons that he fights and I get his wrath, we all have them. But thats why you're with someone. To have someone to help you fight through all of life's troubles. You're with them for their company and to share your life with them. So why not share your thoughts? I feel like so many of us hold in our stress until one day we just freaking snap, turn green, and shred our clothes off. I'm referencing the Hulk incase you missed that. If we would just open up to the people that we trust our hearts with things would be so much easier. If that person won't or doesn't wanna listen to you, maybe it hits a trigger that they are not ready to open up about it. I mean eventually you have to talk about it but maybe it just needs some time. Relationships are about patience and understanding, just as much as they are about love. We never really know what's going on in our guy's head, they are just as much of a mystery as us women are!

     This person chose you and you chose them. They continue to choose you everyday over everybody else in this world. I would miss all the things I can't stand about Cody if I ever lost him. I would miss yelling at him at five thirty in the morning, telling him to stop rubbing his feet again me. I would miss yelling at him for needing to use the bathroom when I need to shower. Notice how I'm always yelling at him. Damn, I'm starting to feel kind of bad for him. Just kidding, no I'm not. I would miss that stupid little noise that he makes at night that keeps me from falling asleep. You get the point. Cody really annoys me! I don't believe in soulmates I believe in choice. I believe that you learn to love. You learn to love how someone wants to be loved, but also staying true to who you are. You should never have to change who you are to be with someone. Just because someone doesn't love you how you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. To me the idea of someone loving me despite all the things they could hate me for, is more romantic than the idea of a soulmate any day.

Balance

     Balance. Sounds easy doesn't it? Life is hard to balance period, no matter what you have going on. Most of us have jobs, relationships, friends, family, and trying to keep all of those things where we want them is extremely hard. Once you have kids things change drastically. You usually lose friends who don't understand what it means to be a parents, your significant other becomes someone who you go to for everything, and they become your best friend. They also become your worst enemy! You start to become closer with you family, especially your mom! Now add work, time for your kids, time for you family, time for your lover, and most importantly time for yourself. Seems pretty impossible doesn't it?

    My balance usually starts with a really large glass of wine, around 9:30pm, alone, binge watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix. Before that I have Hulked out at work about 20 times, came home, said "No Reagan" about 1,000 times, and "Cody can you..." about another 1,000 times. I have one child and lose my mind everyday, let alone have more! All you moms out there with several kids, hats off to you, you deserve an award! Just this morning I had to ask Reagan why she insists on playing with my work out dvds, and shoving all the wipes in her mouth. Meanwhile she has all the toys she could ask for! At a year and a half she clearly told me she loves to just torment me. Sarcasm if you can't tell. This child is strange. She refuses to eat half the time, yet baby wipes is her choice of snack. I can't. Now I have two tv shows playing at the same time, I don't even know how to do that. How does she?! Coffee, I need more coffee.

     You have to learn to take care of yourself. I started exercising more, going for long runs, and yoga, all just to clear my mind. If I didn't take time for myself I would probably end up single, because Cody would not be able to tolerate me. Not really sure how he even still does, but that could go both ways I guess! I was doing everything all the time. Getting Reagan up in the mornings, getting her home after work, starting dinner, cleaning up dinner, cleaning up the house, getting her ready for bed, you know all that mom stuff. I would become so angry with him for not helping and I would just lose my shit! I then realized I have a pretty loud mouth and that if I need him to help me, just freaking tell him! Men can be kinda clueless at times. Now, Cody helps out more than I do! If you want something done you can't expect anyone to know unless you tell them. They can't read minds! Even though I am still convinced Cody should be able to read mine.

     Do not, I repeat do not bring work home with you. Its fine to talk and vent, but do not bring home the negative attitude. It affects everyone around you, even the kids. I would bring all my stress from work home and I was a huge bitch. I'm starting to see a trend here. Bitch, I keep using it! Hummmmm. Home is supposed to be your happy place. The place you wanna come to after a long days work. If you make your house a stressful place, no one is going to want to be there, not even you. I have also learned that if you are so unhappy with your job, change it!

     I'm lucky I have a little girl. We go shopping together, do hair, makeup, all the things I like to do! I make sure to spend time with her on the weekends, since I don't see much of her during the week. If I had a boy I would have no idea what I would do with him! Balance for a relationship is hard and that is another topic I will get into later but, the best balance for moms is to take care of themselves, and make time for themselves. You need to let go of the stress you carry everyday, or we all would be raging bitches 24/7! Find things that you enjoy to do alone. The less stress you hold in the happier you will be, and that goes for the loved ones around you too. Balance is hard, and sooner or later we all figure it out. If we can't, there is always a bottle of wine around the corner.

Mom Mornings

     I don't know about you but mornings and I do not mix well together. I am literally a completely different person until I actually wake up. Do not look at me, do not speak to me, do not even breath near me. A conversation is not ok until I am in the car driving, and I've had at least one cup of coffee. Lets be honest I'm a huge bitch in the morning. I can be pretty mean, and for that, Cody I am sorry!

     Being a mom is the greatest job in the world, but also the most stressful. The mornings always seem to be the worst. Probably because I have a million different things to do in about an hour. Does Reagan have her lunch packed? Does she have diapers? Did I remember to wear underwear? Shit, I need to brush my teeth, but I still have coffee to drink. Do I really have to go to work? When the hell did I turn 26? Why am I an adult? Did Cody seriously switch the the lids on the fat and not fat creamer? That shit head, yes he did! Getting out the door is a struggle everyday. It's hard enough to get myself places on time let alone add a toddler into the picture! Every time I turn my back Reagan has black eye shadow in her hand and is seconds away from making herself look like Ozzy Osbourne. Never mind too late, Ozzy is in the house.

    Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out. Or pulling a Britney and just shaving my head. I usually have to bring myself back to reality at this point and remember that I'm not Charlize Theron, and that I would look absolutely terrible with no hair. Or would I? Getting ready in the mornings would be a hell of a lot easier. Who am I kidding. I would look awful, and my hairdresser would kill me! Anyways, I always just take a second and think about how lucky I am to have a little girl with such a crazy personality, who wants to be just like her mom and do her makeup. Or that I have a boyfriend who is comfortable knowing that what he is about to do is going to completely piss me the hell off until about noon. I am happy to have all this chaos around me, it reminds me how lively things really are. By the time I realize all this is only 8am and then I remember I'm on my way to work, which then pisses me off again! This is the time that either I call Cody or he calls me, and I end up apologizing for being such a raging bitch, and his words are "Its ok, I'm used to it". Don't let this fool you, he can be mean too!

    The point is all the things we end up complaining about, are the things that we appreciate the most. I'm writing about how bad my mornings can be, yet without them I would be lost. My mom mornings are the best mornings I have ever had, because they remind me about a little girl who I'm lucky to call mine.

   

The beginning

     Well, I caved. I decided that I may or may not annoy the crap out of people when I talk, so I figured if I write they are listening at their own risk. I honestly don't even know where to begin. So many things cross my mind in a seconds time period, I am surprised I was never diagnosed with an attention disorder. I will just blame my parents for that one! So honestly were do I begin?

     We will start with my daughter, Reagan. As you can tell we have mastered the art of selfies. One out of maybe 100 tries we get it right, and finally get that perfect mother daughter picture that looks so effortless. When that happens and it finally lands on social media its 9pm and we started at noon, along with trying every angle and every room in the house, no joke. In all seriousness I wanted to start this to vent my own feelings and let all you moms out there know that it's a struggle for all of us. Everything is a struggle and you're not alone. Sometimes the greatest blessings in life are also the hugest pains in the ass, like children and even the grown children who we call our significant others. We all think it, don't even lie to yourself! If you're feeling like you're the only one out there who has lost her shit at times, don't, you're so wrong, I lose my shit every day, over almost anything. You can say Im pretty emotional. I am probably too much to handle most of the time, so thanks to all the people who put with me! 

     Lets be honest, being a full-time mom and working full time is THE hardest thing I have ever had to handle. Then throw a relationship into the mix. Damn, I have no idea how people do it! It all came so quickly. Getting out of longterm relationship that was pretty toxic at times, to falling in love with someone who I hardly knew, that was lot. So many emotions. Then 9 months later...SURPRISE I can have kids after all. Long story short, it happened all at once. Growing up. It came all too quickly. We kinda took the opposite route of life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Two and a half years later we have a house that we are flipping, a beautiful baby girl, great family and friends, and a very dysfunctional relationship, but in a good way. If it can be in a good way? I mean its working so it can't be that bad! 

     No relationship is perfect no matter what it looks like on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and whatever else people use. Why would people wanna document the bad stuff for everyone to see? Doesn't everyone wanna try to one up everyone? Hashtag "perfect marriage", Hashtag "love of my life", Hashtag "love my perfect life". Ugh give me a break! We get it you're happy today, and you have yet to fight about who didn't do the dishes. No, this is not me being bitter, this is me being real. Do I love Cody? Of course I freaking do! Do I wanna rip his head off and feed it wild animals? Yes, almost everyday, and I bet he would say the same. That's just how we are, that is how WE love. We have gotten to where we both understand that we are stubborn as hell, and neither of us will back down. Eventually he usually gives in! :) But hey, everyone is different!

     

     Thats just life, and I am getting way too off track and once again my mind is overwhelmed with so much to say. I hope y'all don't get bored, I'm so ready to let y'all see my real life struggles and let all you wonderful moms out there know that you're not alone, and thats its ok to feel like you're losing your shit because we all are! So ready..set..life, its just the beginning.